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Life Moves
How to Make 50-90 Your Dynamite Years
by Dianne Peck
That's the thing about life. It changes. Whether we want it to or not, whether we're paying attention or not, it changes. Circumstances jump up and take over our lives. Whether from outside ourselves or from inside ourselves, we know a life move is beckoning to us, nay, demanding our cooperation. Life can challenge us. People may disappoint us. Dreams may not materialize. That's when our perception may shrivel. We start to believe that our health, our money, our job, our relationships, our potential, everything about us is getting downsized. And then our human reactions take over. They can run the gamut from fear, denial, anger, resentment, and resistance, to procrastination and paralysis. The demand for transition can come from many different life settings. Yours may be the end of a relationship, the unsolicited end of your job, voluntary retirement, the death of a loved one, a radical change in life style, a move to a new geographical location, the onset of an illness or disability, or the knowing that you can no longer continue with life as it has been. It is natural to fear and dread the day when "something happens" to change the familiarity, routine, and sense of safety that go with maintaining the status quo. So what do we do? How do we handle this? Here is a success-guaranteed process to lead you through the maze of confusion that a life move can bring.
Step #1. The first step is to check out the belief system about your self that you are currently operating. Quietly step back and notice the thoughts (beliefs) about your self that pass through your mind, on a daily (or hourly) basis. Do not judge these beliefs, thoughts, and accompanying emotions, simply notice them. What is your belief about the life move you find your self in? Sample beliefs are: this shouldn't' be happening; I hate what is happening; I can't handle what is happening; why is this happening to me? This is (fill in the blank's) fault; what do I do now? I cant' go on; I'll never make it through this; I can't go through with this move because it will hurt too many people; I am too old to make this change. Etc.
Step #2. The second thing to do is to make an OK List Take paper and pen or a new document page in your word processor and list all of your beliefs and your feelings about yourself. Be totally honest about what you believe and feel. Take time with this. Do it in a few sittings if necessary. Your goal is simply to name your thoughts and your feelings about this situation, the need for a life move, that has injected itself, bidden or unbidden, into your life. When you have finished you have an OK List.
Step #3. This list is called an OK List because now you are going to give every thought, belief, and emotion you have identified permission to be here. Yes, permission. The thing is this. Our human response to the presence of what's been called our shadow side is to judge it. And to judge it harshly. Maybe you have been heaping self-bashing on top of your thoughts and emotions. Maybe you have not been allowing yourself to feel what you are feeling. When we impose "should nots" on our thoughts and feelings we invalidate ourselves. We disavow our deepest Self. The opposite of invalidation is respect. So what you want to do now is to respect every item on your OK List. One by one, respect each belief and each emotion. "Fear, (resentment, confusion, panic, etc) it is ok that you are here." Now go a step further. "Fear, (resentment etc.) I welcome you." Now go all the way. Put your arms around it. Gather it in. Thank it for being with you and ask it to release its gift to you. This process may sound very bizarre to you if you are encountering it for the first time. Thank my problem for being in my life? No way.
Deepak Chopra, in The Deeper Wound, says, ".the shadow energies never had a chance to show you their hidden spiritual message.as soon as you do that they will deliver their message and then go". Clarissa Estes, in Women Who Run With the Wolves, says that when we take in our troublesome emotion with compassion we "render it for our own constructive use". In Buddhist teaching this OK-ing process is the art of loving-kindness practiced first of all on your self. In The Places That Scare You, Buddhist author Pema Chodron uses the analogy of the mother bird protecting and feeding her new "naked, squaking, homely babies." We are both the chicks, (homely and demanding in our naked negativity) and the mother with her unconditional love. We, too, can respond to our inner not-so-lovely offspring with unconditional loving kindness. As we sit with this process we find we are gently pivoting from self-invalidation to self-respect. And we find that our former trouble-maker, our squaking belief, is all the while quietly withdrawing.
This is a gentle technique. It is not about striving or determination or beating the bushes to drum up the will power to change. We have tried that technique for many years and we know the results are usually increased anxiety and depression. This process is not about struggle. It is about sitting in love and compassion for absolutely everything you are. Everything.
Step #4. In this step you proceed as if. You proceed, in thought and in word and in action, as if you already have the courage and clarity and surety you seek, and in fact you do. The shadow behavior and beliefs may still be around. Keep loving them and compassioning them. Keep gathering them in "as a hen gathers her chicks". They are not who you are. They are only habits of thought that are rapidly losing their foothold. The belief system that you are running now is that you are there where you want to be. You have arrived at decision and action. Feel the peace now. Feel the delight now. The actuality will soon follow.
Step #5. This step is the icing on the cake. In this step you allow. You allow Spirit to bring your perfect outcome to you. Your job is simply to detach from the when and the how. Your job is to simply keep loving yourself and allowing Spirit to manifest your desired results. You will be shown the way. You will be shown the steps to take. As Joseph Campbell put it, doors will open where you didn't even know there was a door. I believed that if struggle wasn't part of the process then I wasn't doing it right. I now know that the Good News is this: Spirit arranges the easy way out of love for us. (Deepak Chopra, The Deeper Wound). Follow this five-step process and watch for the easy way through your life move.
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